To my (Future) Cat Daddy

I know this might come as a surprise but you have to share me with three men – three furry four-legged males, actually.

They are quite possessive of me since they have gotten used to having me to themselves for years.

Well, cats are like that.

They had pretty much took over my life. I’m afraid you would have to come face-to-face with some things that might diminish your attraction with me so I am going to prepare you now (before you even come along).

1. My apartment may sometimes smell like cat pee. Well, it’s because all my cats are male and male cats, neutered or intact, scent mark with urine from time to time. They also do this whenever they are stressed or insecure due to seeing other cats outside the window or whenever I move some things. Cats are animals of routine and order. Anything new could confuse them. In the wild, this little predator survives by being observant of changes and acting upon them. They have not completely shed this trait yet despite of hundreds of years of domestication. When you begin sharing the space with us, there is a 100 percent chance you’ll start smelling like cat pee too.

2. Part of my money belongs to them. I know that money issues may arise in our future so I am putting this out now. I spend on my cats. They have individual allowances that cover cat litter, food, vet bills, toys and other emergencies. This is non-negotiable.

3. There will be cat hair everywhere and on everything. All of my clothes have cat hair. My bed has cat hair. The sink has cat hair. The floor has cat hair. The food? You guessed it right! There will be strands of cat hair. So if you’re allergic or asthmatic, it’s time to start thinking twice about your feelings for me.

4. The cats are allowed to share the bed. We sleep together and when I am at work, they have it to themselves. So don’t be annoyed if they snuggle up to you. They know they co-own the bed with me (and with you should you choose to stay). Sex? We can always shut the door. I too am uncomfortable about them seeing all the action.

5. Lying/napping on the floor with them around me is my idea of relaxation. I always do this on my days off and I have no plans to go outside. After cleaning my apartment, I love snoozing on the floor with them because there is nothing more relaxing than the sound of purring enshrouding your tired and troubled mind. It’s good for your health too since a cat’s purr is proven by studies to encourage tissue and bone healing.

6. Speaking of cleaning, there will always be a lot! Aside from constant shedding, cats also unintentionally scatter litter around the litter box. We have to sweep and mop multiple times everyday. Plus, there is also the chore of scooping cat poop and pee from the litter box which is done twice everyday. Cat litter is also changed every week which means hauling four to eight liters of cat litter from the store to our apartment. I also vacuum once to twice a month and wash the rugs and mats regularly to avoid build up of scents. Yeah. Having cats is a lot of work.

7. I may greet my cats before you every time I come home. Well, mostly because they always come running at the sound of my footsteps which, I bet, human males don’t do.

8. We have rituals you might feel excluded from. We headbutt like crazy. We talk to each other and our conversations are meaningful to us. Now, you know where the Crazy Cat Lady tag came from. But, don’t despair. A little more time and you and the boys will soon be excluding me from your own little ritual.

9. I would do anything for my cats. This is not an empty promise. I once waited outside under the pouring rain for an hour for my cat to come to me so I could take him home after he escaped the apartment. I once climbed the ceiling of a military barracks to get my cat who was trapped there. If the apartment would catch fire, I know I would go in to save them. Rest assured that I will have the same devotion for you. I would go through heaven, hell, fire and water to get to you should you need me. I expect you to do the same for me.

10. If you hurt or neglect any of my cats, know that I will count that as a sin. And if those sins pile up, my love for you will gradually die.

My cats are my kids. They are my family.

For some, they are ‘just cats,’ but to me, they are an extension of who I am. So if you are going to love me, you have to embrace them too.

 

 

 

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